burning pins

[mackrackit]

could there be spikes from the ground coming from the coil in the relay when it collapse. (shutting down)

YES
Do you have a "flyback"diode across the relay coil?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flyback_diode
http://www.4qdtec.com/catch.html

[lerameur]

flyback .. no

ok here are the parts I have
pin----5.1k-----gate
drain ----100k-----source
source----ground
12v---coil----220ohm-----drain

I will add a flyback thanks

k

[skimask]

Doin' good so far...'cept for the missing flyback diode always use one...make sure you get it in the right way!
Are you using an N-channel MOSFET? Using the PIC to add a ground to the coil? The 100k resistor is bleeding off any leakage coming thru the MOSFET. N-channel aren't so bad for this, P-channel's are worse (and you have to pull the gate the other way)...that's probably why the MOSFET would turn on for no apparent reason.