Or I'm confused, not sure.
I see how it takes 4 "steps" just to toggle the E line.

But, the LCD will not accept any data or commands while it is busy.
Even though it takes 4 steps ... you are clocking in the first nibble after the first 2 steps 1.82 mS.

The HD44780 datasheet timing diagrams show that the first nibble can't be clocked in until after the last command is complete (not busy).
There is no text that confirms it, but that's what the timing diagrams show.