OK, borrowed a clone pickit3 from a guy at work.
set it up as we discussed - that went fine!

So, NOW I discover how thick I really am!
Since I'm not using epic, I need to define the pic and settings in the file. I get compile errors when I use
@ DEVICE PIC16F88 __config _CONFIG1, _INTRC_IO
I want to use the internal oscillator.

and error 207 "found label after column error and
err 122 "illegal opcode"

I've searched for quite a while AND tried a variety of syntax AND looked in the 16f88 inc file and know I'm missing something but....

So, syntax wise I need to tell MPASM
1. the processor
2. the fuse options

everyone else just posts
@ __config _CONFIG1, _INTRC_OSC_NOCLKOUT & _WDT_ON & _MCLRE_OFF & _LVP_OFF & _CP_OFF

or some applicable derivative of this and it works, but makes me wonder how MPASM knows the processor.

So I add
INCLUDE "p16f88.inc"
and it says "unable to open include file"

What am I missing?