Hi,
Overwriting the bootloader when loading the chip WITH the bootloader should be pretty hard to do. As long as you DEFINE LOADER_USED 1 (which you have done) it should tell you if your program is growing too big and "into" the region of the bootloader.
Verifying that the bootloader IS in the chip is done with your programmer and its software. Usually the programmer/software automatically verifies after programming but it should be possible to "manually" issue a verify. Put the chip in, open the 16F876A_04.hex (or whatever) and run verify. (I'm not familiar with your particular programmer though...)
When you ICD Compile and program the compiled code is different from when you Compile and program. However, simply doing a normal Compile and program should work. The fact that the bootloader software doesn't see the PIC reset indicates something might be up with the serial connection to the PC. Check and recheck that everything is OK on that part (correct serial port selected, MAX232 etc wired correctly).
You could also try to load the .hex of YOUR program with the U2 programmer and see if it works then. If it does you KNOW that it's something with the bootloader and/or connection and NOT with the PIC itself.
/Henrik.
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